So tonight I found myself checking into a motel that required sign language to check in. The only thing worse than my verbal communication skills would be my sign language. The desk clerk and I spent a titillating 5 mins exchanging hand gestures and looks of horror. Some day I will stay in a town that has a real hotel. Obviously that won't be today. I left the foreign front desk clerk emotionally scarred. Now he knows how everyone else feels that I come into contact with.
After finishing our session of Charades, I pulled around the gravel parking lot, let Kiley out, and started dragging my endless amount of shit into my new very used motel room. I was just in the process of dragging my second load of shit out of the pickup when I heard Kiley bark and kick gravel all over. She was chasing a cat/leopard. Did I mention I left the fucking door open on the motel room?
So... Yes. The leopard made a frantic leap to get away from Kiley and decided our room would be a nice place to hole up. Kiley didn't chase the cat inside because she's not allowed to go through doors without being told... more than I can say for the cat that was holed up in our room.
So I carefully approached the door. The cat was perched on the sink at the far end of the room and obviously not very happy. It was making a sound sort of like a very sick John Deere garden tractor (that's the best I can do). Kiley was perched at the door waiting for a second chance. I was mostly hoping I could just die.
Having had some bad experiences with wild cats in the past, I decided I should approach this situation very carefully. Slowly, I crept into the room and over the single bed hugging the wall as I went. I started feeling pretty proud of my stalking ability until the tiger noticed I was gaining ground on it. Immediately it hissed, backed into the corner and spit at me. At this point I decided some protective gear would be good. It just so happened there was a bedspread/ashtray next to me. I completely cloaked myself in this covering most of my head only leaving my eyes exposed. If God hates a coward - He would despise me.
I only took about two steps towards the psycho cat when it decided to vacate the room. I'm not sure if it was the sight of the KKK cat guy, or the thought of having to spend a night in the filth that Kiley and were going to have to endure but at any rate - the cat left and in a hurry.
Feeling victorious, I chased the cat to the door. Hoping to catch a glimpse of the killer cat as it ran for it's life was quickly replaced with a feeling of horror as I seen the front desk clerk outside my room holding his ice cooler. I would like to say that I felt completely ridiculous standing in my doorway with a bedspread wrapped around all my face and most of my body but that would be an understatement.
I gave him a very weak sign language sign that basically said "Yep - I'm almost settled in and I've been chasing wild fucking cats in my room".
It was a wave and a smile. He returned the same sign as he shuffled back to the office.
This is only the first day.







